Chaos Rankings

Monday, September 10, 2007

Losing is Hell...


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In case you were curious, there's a hell in Michigan, and though it's not quite located inside Michigan Stadium in Ann Arbor, it's only about 16 miles Northwest as the crow flies. Notre Dame's substantially farther away, but if the Irish can't get a win on Saturday, it's definitely going to get hotter in South Bend. All of which leads me to reconsider using the phrase "when Hell freezes over," as, based on its geographical location, it certainly freezes over for a substantial portion of the year.

6 Comments:

  • Since when did this become a comedy blog?!

    By Blogger mätt, at 9/11/2007 1:09 PM  

  • Since about 20 years ago, when someone last laughed at a joke I made. I think it involved oranges and bananas. Ever since, I've been operating under the apparently misguided notion that I have a sense of humor and that other people find me hilariously entertaining.

    By Blogger Adam, at 9/11/2007 6:23 PM  

  • I love that knock knock joke with bananas and oranges!!!

    I am also to blame for Adam's comedy. I'm easily amused/entertained and will laugh at most of his jokes.

    By Anonymous emily, at 9/12/2007 11:14 AM  

  • Little known blogger tries humor to calm readers

    WASHINGTON -- Already stung by criticism over publishing delays for the Choas Rankings this week, blogger Adam Bever has turned to jokes about Hell to keep his head above water - hot water, that is.

    Crafting a meandering barb using references to Notre Dame's strong Christian beliefs, Adam highlighted the gag with an embedded graphic from Google Maps.

    Despite this, critics generally panned the ham-fisted waggery. "I've had my graduate students working on this for hours, but we are unable to identify any humor here," James Thompson, Chair at the Harvard School of Journalism, said.

    Bever received strong praise from his future wife, Emily Taylor. "I'm easily amused/entertained and will laugh at most of his jokes," Taylor said, subtly indicating the slash between words by speaking quickly.

    Taylor then added, "I love that knock knock joke with bananas and oranges!!!"

    The controversy began early Monday morning, when the Chaos Rankings had yet to be published almost 36 hours after the completion of college football on Saturday night.

    This news bureau has learned that Adam is under contract to publish updates no later than 12 hours after the final game. This reporter has also learned that he has nothing better to do anyway.

    Bever blamed the delay on an extended version of one of his favorite movies. "Damn you, LOTR:ROTK!"

    Bever was referring to the Lord of the Rings: Return of the King Platinum Series Extended Edition, the Oscar Award-winning movie from Peter Jackson and New Line Home Entertainment, available now in stores. (New Line and this bureau are both owned by News Corp.)

    In addition, Bever warned that the rankings may be difficult to interpret this week, especially for football fans still under an alcohol-induced haze.

    Florida quarterback Tim Tebow could not be reached for comment on this article.

    By Anonymous Tim, at 9/12/2007 5:56 PM  

  • Soon-to-be-fired engineer wastes company resources viewing, posting on blog

    MELBOURNE (AP) -- Timothy James, a low-level engineer at Harris Corp., allegedly wasted 30 minutes of paid time and unknown kilobytes of company bandwidth posting at an online blog, according to unnamed sources.

    James, 26, will have his employment terminated at 5 pm today.

    Company sources, who have asked to remain anonymous due to the sensitive nature of this information, say that James has repeatedly wasted company resources on non-work-related computer activity.

    "I mean, it'd be one thing if he was looking at porn or humorous blogs, but all he seems to do is look at car forums and sex-help sites," the source said.

    The blog, called "Chaos Rankings," is yet another feeble attempt by a twenty-something fan to rank college football teams in some semblance of order.

    Margaret Sansone, James' fiancee who is financially dependent on him, is rumored to already be looking for a new suitor.

    University of Florida Gators football coach Urban Meyer called Sansone's and Harris' reactions "harsh."

    ###

    By Blogger mätt, at 9/13/2007 1:47 PM  

  • pwned.

    By Anonymous tim, at 9/13/2007 2:02 PM  

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